Friday, June 26, 2020

Verzenio No More: An Update

I need to update! It's scary time, for sure. I spent five miserable days on Verzenio.  I was nauseated in a way that I didn't think possible and unable to form proper stools. I was cramping and not eating at all. I seriously believed I was dying. Every time I think I've seen the worst, MBC says, "Hold my beer!"

The doctor stopped me three days ago. I am much better, but still crampy and nauseated. I am worried about so much:

  • My system wasn't solid before and it hasn't fully recovered now, although I am far better.
  • I am still tired. That suggests my anemia isn't fully recovered. My bone marrow failure is crawling back, but it sure is slow.
  • I don't know what next. I've had a sense of what comes next for a while. I no longer do. Is there somewhere to go from here? How bad will it be?
  • Getting that close to system shutdown felt so frightening. I mean, I've sat with my death for four years but never like this. I felt that cold hand...I can't begin to explain. 

Meanwhile, I see the oncologist this week. I am in Texas helping my daughter recover from emergency gallbladder surgery. I will have to fly in and return to Texas to help her recover and get the RV ready. It gets me out of myself, so that's a plus. She's doing ok so far. We were ready with the RV before. We long to return.

So another day in paradise. Or whatever this is. 

One one update. Doc wants me on a lower dose. I start next week. I felt so good today, too. 

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