The Journey Now, Part 9 -- Last Day

A Sign of the Times

Ok, I finally made it. My numbers are way up, so I think today will be it for a while. I decided to make a big deal, even if I'm a bit under the weather; we all deserve tiaras, right?

So, what comes next? I'm certainly not off the hook, and, as a chronic cancer survivor, I never will be again. I will never be able to say cancer is not on my radar; I can only hope that it is not in my body.

Because, Tiara!

First there is recovery. I will be several weeks getting back to a semblance of normal, and I have a hard time believing I will be unscathed from this harsh treatment. My 90s treatment took years to recover my new normal...how long will it take for me this round?

Among the problems I could have: I might have damaged my heart or liver (these are pretty unlikely, I think.) I might have the tingling numbness in my fingers and toes forever. My hair might grow in funny, or not at all. The most likely problem that I see right now is further damage to my bones. My neck injury is prominent and bothersome. I think my connective tissues, which were somewhat weak, are further damaged as well. I cannot foresee if I will lose the 10 lbs. I gained the first two days. 

I think my chemo brain amounted to a bit of forgetfulness only. I'm not worried there, but I need to recover from what could essentially become PTSD. I do hope to skip the big emotional drama, this time. I find my head is in a different place, less angry, more accepting. I'm hoping to avoid big fallout, but there is a physical component, even to emotional effects. We will see.

My last chemo chair: Don't I look regal?

Can't say it enough, right?

I will see the doctor next week. She will offer one of several drugs that could keep any remaining cells at bay. I may or may not go with any of them; they all have big side effects, including other cancers, or they are a big challenge to a normally functioning life. Because I'm recurrent, the doctor will want to step things up, though. We'll see what she says. I very much would like to find an immunotherapy clinical trial for my status. I'm willing to gamble, because all the rest of the treatments are so full of problems. 

Finally, I'll be getting scans and mamms and getting poked and prodded, pretty much for the rest of my life, however long I have been graced to enjoy this life.  

Enjoy life: my new goal.  

I'll keep you up to date with posts, periodically, so stay tuned. Thank you all for your support through this.

Love you all,

Josie